"Yes, I will keep blogging..."

Clearly, I did not live up to my promise about documenting my life and grief online. When I started this blog, what seems like eons ago, I could not see past the next day, much less the next year and beyond. My last post was about my disbelief regarding the City Year graduation taking place at DU's Sturm College of Law. It was a horrific evening and I believe I spent most of it crying outside the venue-yes, I am a strong and capable manager :) 

What escaped my notice, over a year ago, was that the location would always be there. The place where I stood on a stage and gave my Dad's eulogy wasn't going away just because I wished it. I had yet to come to the conclusion that it is impossible to hide from life and all it has in store for you. It is impossible to avoid the feelings of helplessness, anger, and immense self-doubt that occur because your foundation has irrevocably shifted However, it is possible (and ENTIRELY necessary) to celebrate love, new beginnings, and the promise of next generation regardless of loss you have suffered. 

For my family 2011-2012 wasn't just about loosing my Dad and Aunt Helene, Byron, Elle, Jeanie, Elle, and Uncle John is was about what came after. And what has come after has been weddings, babies, love, new jobs, and new adventures. It is about learning to celebrate who we are and what we have. It is about scanning a ridiculous item on the bridal registry and laughing until you fall over once it is discovered. It is about continuing to love while acknowledging that your soul has a long way to go before it is healed. It is about knowing that while your foundation has shifted and your understanding of the word has deepened your basic understanding of life, love, and family will never change--you will always need to love more than is safe, forgive more than is wise, and live life like your family will always be there, because, they will.