Sympathy Cards

"Oh? Are those the sympathy cards for the Crockers?"

"Yes."

"Oh good! That one is one of my favorites."

Sympathy cards are a wonderful tribute to send. It shows the grieving that you care, that their loved one mattered, and that they are not alone in the world. People leave you messages and memories in the cards and when you read them, after the initial grief, you feel close to your loved one again.

When my Dad died the cards flew in for weeks (we even just received one a few weeks ago) and it mattered. It mattered that hundreds of people reached out to us. It mattered that people loved my Dad and were grieving his loss. It mattered...a lot.

I remember how the mailman brought a large stack of cards to our door one afternoon shortly after Dad died so that he could also express his condolences for our lost. A few days later he left us a pine cone in our mailbox just to show us some beauty and to make us laugh; he collects the pine cones in front of our mailbox for art! Sympathy cards--and the expression of love within them-- make a difference to those in pain.

But, honestly, sympathy cards come in three choices; religious, spiritual, and basic. And picking out a sympathy card can be a difficult choice for the sender. Do I pick the option that best suits my beliefs? Theirs? And what do I write? What do I include? Should it be sentimental? Sappy? Glass half full? Or should I express how much this sucks? WHAT DO I DO?

So many people are unsure how to approach the grieving. People start to monitor what they say around you, how they act, and they look at you like you'll fall apart at any minute--some are even planning their escape route while talking to you! Grief makes people uncomfortable and, often times, those people sit safely in the background waiting for you to ask for help. Soon they start living on the peripheral of your life and then they don't recognize the person you've become through your grief. The loss a person experiences changes them in ways they can't imagine and they won't be able to cope with.

Well here is my advice, from a girl who has received every Hallmark sympathy card out there, send the card! Send the card because it matters but then show up because that matters more! Show up for walk, a glass of wine, to help garden! Show up to bring food, to replenish the water supply, to just sit! Show up 3 months later, 6 months later, 12 months later, show up 5 years later because loss never goes away. Send a random text, a beautiful picture, a quote, or anything to let the person know they aren't alone! Grief isn't comfortable-- It takes all of my energy and I have very little left over to help make YOU comfortable and, eventually, I will choose to move on without you.

So, please I am begging you, do more than send a generic sympathy card! Express your love by showing up and not asking the person what they need because that is a question I still can't answer! I need people who show up and are okay if I am raw, broken, and completely consumed by my grief! I need you to show up!